


Peter's Probably Perfect Life (sike)

by VarisciteSkies



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempts at humour, Bi Peter Parker, Gen, I dont know how to tag, I just want them to be happy okay, Iron Dad, IronDad and SpiderSon, Mostly Fluff, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker has ADHD, Peter Parker is literally part spider why don’t people explore this more, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark has a heart attack, a hint of angst if you squint, life in avengers compound, like hes literally a spider, mostly me just exploring some headcanons people have made, okay ill stop now, peter totally has a crush on thor you cant prove me wrong, spider son, too many tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-08-27 07:34:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16698130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VarisciteSkies/pseuds/VarisciteSkies
Summary: Peter has started spending his weekends at the Avenger's compound and it is literally never boring, like ever. He would pay for it to be boring at this point.OrJust me exploring headcanons about Peter and how Tony and the rest of the Avengers would react!





	1. Meeting the Avengers (also embarrassment)

It had been a few months since the events of Homecoming, Peter welcomed in the chilled air of December while he walked leisurely home from school. Ever since he had unceremoniously crashed the moving plane onto the beach, Mr. Stark had been paying closer attention to him; he definitely didn’t want to repeat it. Aunt May had also made Mr. Stark actually take Peter on as an intern since she found out about Spider-man, which didn’t really count as actual work seeing as all they did was build and fix stuff in the lab, or at least Peter didn’t think it was actual work. 

This how he found himself walking up to the overpriced car that was waiting outside his apartment on a Friday afternoon. “Hey Happy!” he gave a friendly greeting to the driver as he climbed in the back, he wasn’t expecting an answer but he continued talking anyway “You’d never believe what happened in chemistry today! Me and Ned were working on some new web fluid, that’s not the important part but I’ll tell you about my ideas later, but some kid burst in the class and-” 

“Kid please” Happy interrupted “I have a headache” his unimpressed tone made Peter’s face fall slightly, but he wasn’t too upset, Happy usually didn’t like him talking. 

“Sorry Happy” He was whispering but he still thought it was kind of suspicious how Happy always seemed to have a headache whenever he got into the car. Peter was about to voice this concern but as soon as he opened his mouth, the glass that separated the front and back seats immediately slammed shut, which Peter gathered was Happy effectively telling him to ‘shut up’. 

After what felt like an eternity of talking to a piece of glass, the car pulled up to the compound upstate. Peter thanked Happy as he shut the door to the car and jogged cheerfully to the main entrance. He went straight to the elevator, waving to the receptionist as he went past and scanned his badge on a panel inside. “Hello Peter,” Greeted FRIDAY, “Boss is in the communal area right now.”. When he first started coming to the compound on weekends, the disembodied voice had startled him, but he had come to expect it now, the AI becoming almost part of is routine. 

“Thanks FRIDAY!” he responded happily, finding it kind of weird that Mr. Stark was in the communal area, he was usually always in his lab. He brushed it off as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. “Hey Mr. Stark! Can we carry on from-” Peter stopped both walking and talking as he looked at the scene before him. In the kitchen area was Mr. Stark as promised, however, the rest of the space was also being taken up. By the Avengers. Or were they considered ex-Avengers now? Did they still count... whatever! They were still here! Why? Peter was about to vocalise this when his Spidey-sense warned him to duck, and a knife flew past the space his head had just been occupying. 

This had broken the silence when Mr. Stark practically bolted from the other side of the room to stand in front of Peter, effectively shielding him, “Woah, woah! What the hell Natasha!” disbelieving one evident in his voice. 

The sock was evident on everyone’s face. “He knows this kid?” Sam said what everyone was thinking, from his spot on the sofa, which he then stood up from to get a better look at the assumed intruder, who had gone extremely pale. “Tony what the hell, explain.” he deadpanned. 

Tony sighed, defeated “Okay, well, I didn’t want you guys to meet him today, but nothing seems to go my way around here so,” he gestured between Peter and the Avengers, stepping aside so they could all see, “Peter, meet the avengers. Avengers meet Peter Parker! He’s my intern please don’t kill him,” he shot a pointed look at Natasha, who had crossed her arms, unimpressed. At this point Peter was pretty sure that he was dreaming as he gave the superheroes in the room a weak wave. Surely, this could not be real. 

“Uh, Tony,” Nat began, “Isn’t he a little young to be an intern?” the rest of the team stayed silent but were clearly agreeing with this question, again looking at Tony for answers. 

Peter wanted to sink into the floor. Instead, he hesitantly raised his hand, then realised that doing that probably made him look even younger so promptly dropped it again and said “Um... I’m 16 actually so...” he trailed off, feeling everyone’s eyes on him. Damn, he was so confidant as Spider-man, why couldn’t he just do the same thing now? He pointed to the hallway, looking at Mr. Stark, “Well, I’m like... gonna go to the lab now?” Tony just nodded, flapping his hand in the direction of the lab saying something along the lines of ‘whatever just go’, and the teen made his escape. 

Before he was out of sight however, someone called his name. Peter turned to see it was Captain. Freaking. America. Who smiled and said “nice to meet you”. The teen could only nod and smile back before he left the room. 

When he finally arrived at the lab and sat down at his station, he slammed his head down onto the work space dramatically, groaning loudly. “God truly has abandoned this timeline...” 

“Wow! And people say I’m dramatic!” Tony’s voice startled Peter out of his stupor, “I mean, c’mon Pete, that was the best face I've ever seen you make, I’m having FRIDAY save that footage.” he said with a wink as he sat down at the station across from Peter’s. The teen groaned again at that information, pouting like a kid. 

“Seriously? Was it not enough for me to live it once? Can’t we just pretend that never happened?” Peter’s begging went ignored though, as Tony had turned on his music, a universal sign that he was no longer talking, “Wow, Mr. Stark, real mature of you...” Peter then grinned “and I thought I was the kid here!”. That had gotten the response he wanted as Tony span around in his chair, throwing a balled-up piece of paper at Peter’s head, which only made Peter erupt into laughter. 

“Whatever Spider-baby, just carry on with your new web-shooters, I thought you were excited to show me them?” After this, they both settled down, choosing to move on from the embarrassment that Peter felt. 

They fell into a comfortable silence, the only noise being the whirr of any tools they used and the soft ACDC playing on the overhead speakers, which was kept at a low volume for Peter’s enhanced hearing. After hours of working on tech and taking a small break for dinner in the lab, Peter decided to call it a night making sure that Mr. Stark also promised he would get some sleep and went to his room. Having almost completely forgotten about what he was now calling “The Kitchen Incident”, he went peacefully to sleep. 

____________________________________________________________________________________ 

 

The next morning, Peter sluggishly made his way to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal. That’s one thing Peter liked about staying at the compound, other than working on good tech stuff of course, there was always more than enough food for Peter to eat, which was especially appreciated with his enhanced metabolism. He would probably eat a whole fridge of food if he was allowed. After his third bowl of froot loops, his Spidey-sense alerted him that someone was coming down the hall. Peter looked behind him, expecting to see Mr. Stark or maybe Cap, who both got up early (he didn’t think it counted as early in Tony’s case as he usually never went to sleep in the first place) instead, he was looking into the icy (haha) eyes of the Winter Soldier. 

Upon realising who was in the room, the teen immediately started to choke on his cereal, spilling some of the milk in the process. ‘Great first impression Parker’ was the only thought his mind, well other than ‘holy shit I'm choking I'm gonna die’. As he was hunched over the counter, trying to empty his windpipe of the offending milk, he felt a strong hand clapping him on the back, which was very welcome despite the panic if it meant he wouldn’t die right here in Mr. Stark’s kitchen. However, when he finally stopped choking and had to actually say something to the unexpected guest, he almost wished he had died. 

Instead of doing that however, Peter muttered an embarrassed “Thanks,” before getting up and throwing the rest of the froot loops away. He didn’t want to risk anything. After putting the bowl in the dish washer, he awkwardly leaned against the counter, “Hi, I’m Peter by the way... Peter Parker.” he gave a lopsided smile, “You weren't with everyone yesterday so it’s nice to meet you, I guess? Sorry about me freaking out.... Mr...?” 

“Just call me Bucky, kid,” he chuckled over his freshly poured cup of coffee “And yeah, I know who you are, Steve told me, said you made quite the entrance.” he made direct eye contact when he said this, a bemused smile on his face. 

Peter spluttered and turned red, “W-well Mr. Stark didn’t tell me anyone would be here! Plus Ms. Romanov shouldn’t have been throwing knives indoors! That’s unsafe! We’ve been told so many times about safety stuff in the Captain America PSAs at school,” Peter momentarily forgot he was talking about a highly powerful secret agent who has killed people, to a highly powered ex-assassin who has killed people and was about to backtrack and apologise when Bucky burst out into laughter. 

“Oh my god! Steve made PSAs?” his laughter left Peter stumped, “Does everyone else know about these?” his laughter died down into small chuckles, as Bucky finished off his coffee, adding it to the dishwasher also, “Y’know Peter, I think you’re gonna fit in here.” and with that, he walked into the elevator, and out of sight, leaving Peter confused but also kind of warm. 

He really hoped he would fit in.


	2. The one where they find out about Spidey

Since the Avengers had moved into the tower, something had become increasingly obvious to Peter regarding his identity. Not his identity as Peter Parker, but as Spider-man. Did he want to tell them? No. Absolutely not. Did he want to have to keep it a secret from them? Also no, he knew that would be way too hard with highly trained spies around every nook and cranny in the compound, especially Hawkeye who liked to hide in the vents sometimes. 

It was at that moment, on a Saturday night, that Peter came up with an idea. He decided that while he wouldn’t tell the Avengers, he wouldn’t exactly hide his identity either. He was going to make it a game. Who could find out his secret vigilante identity first? Just thinking about how much fun he was about to have with this made him giggle a little in the privacy of his bedroom, ideas about clues he could leave rattling off him his brain faster than he could even properly think about them. 

The next Friday when Happy dropped him off, he decided that he might as well start giving hints straight away; he wasn’t here to be subtle about anything. He skipped merrily into the kitchen area, dumping his bag next to the counter and getting out his personal notebook. At a first glance this seemed to be some kind of journal, but it wasn’t for personal thoughts, it was for science! Or, you know, however much science went into making his web fluid and shooters. He hunched over it in the most suspicious manner he could manage, perfect bait, the Avengers were nosy as hell, something he’d learned the hard way. Whenever he and Tony did work in the lab, at least one of the team would pester them to see what they were up to. 

At last, Nat and Bucky made their way into the room, clearly having just finished training. Peter knew they were coming a full minute before they even entered the room as he could hear them walking down the hallway, so he made sure he looked up at just the right time to smile and say a friendly hello, which they gladly returned. 

“What’cha working on there, kid?” Bucky asked while he got some juice from the fridge. 

Peter made sure to look a little shocked, “Um, nothing much y’know... just school stuff,” 

“oh? What school stuff? Maybe we could help you or something?” Natasha asked. The teen was just about to respond when Mr Stark made an appearance 

“Ha! As if Peter needs help with that!” Mr. Stark smirked and walked towards Peter, stopping behind him and placing his hand on Peter’s shoulder “He could probably do that stuff in his sleep, right kid?” he looked at the teen and smiled even wider, making Peter go red with the praise. 

“Psh, w-what? No!” he tried, stumbling over his words “Mr. Stark you’re exaggerating-” 

“Exaggerating? This is coming from the kid who read Brucie’s work and actually understood it?” Mr. Stark almost cackled “Sure kid, and I’m not the richest guy on earth!” 

He continued to poke and prod at Peter while Nat and Bucky laughed along at the spluttering teen. They were both about to leave for round two in the training area when Peter moved his arm off his notebook. If Natasha hadn’t been a trained spy who had an excellent poker face, she might have gasped at the diagrams and formulas on the page. She wasn’t a scientist by any means, but she knew what the words “Web-shooter V.3” meant, and she wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. Nat was aware that Spider-man used the web-shooters, she had seen Tony work on a pair for the crime-fighter in the lab once, but she couldn’t understand why the intern of all people would have a copy of this work... or was it his own work? She needed to think about this properly, when she had finished training, but for now she decided she would keep her suspicions on Peter. 

_________________________________________________________________________________ 

 

The Next people that Peter saw that day was Sam Wilson and Clint Barton, better known as the Falcon and Hawkeye. He had to plan this right. Clint was a spy but around the compound, and especially around Sam, he was a lot more care-free than Nat and Bucky were, so dropping hints through a notebook wasn’t going to cut it. Instead, Peter decided to see what the situation would bring him. 

He sat down next to them in the lounge area, they were watching some crappy show on the TV, well not really, they were actually in a heated discussion about which bird they were named after was deadlier. 

“Listen Sam! Falcons are just smaller birds, the Hawk would just physically overpower it!” these words seemed to violently offend Sam, who gave Clint a disgusted look, 

“I thought you of all people would know that strength isn't the only thing that can be used? Isn’t strategy like, your whole thing? With the arrows? You can’t tell me that a falcon wouldn't have any chance at beating-” 

In his anger, Sam hadn’t noticed the mug full of coffee he was about to knock over. Peter, of course did, and caught it before it really even fell off the table and placed it calmly back on the surface. It seemed that Peter wouldn’t have to manufacture a situation, Sam and Clint made things so easy. 

“Woah, nice catch Pete! Good reflexes!” Clint complimented. 

“Yeah, I’ve been told,” Peter smiled as he added “I’m pretty good at catching stuff.” 

“Oh yeah?” Sam questioned “Prove it.” Bingo! Peter pretended to be nervous, but he knew that Sam couldn’t resist a challenge. “Catch this!” he tried to catch him off guard by throwing a Dorito at him, but Peter caught it with ease, eating it after for effect. Sam threw a few more things at Peter, all of which he caught, Clint joined in after a while of this too. Eventually Sam just gave up “Honestly, that’s just freaky, I swear you weren't even looking at me on that last one” 

Clint shrugged “cut him some slack, I bet you get picked for sport a lot, right?” 

“Nope!” Peter laughed “just your average nerd really,” Clint looked mildly confused while Sam just looked completely disbelieving. Taking this as his cue to leave, he said something about homework and waved the two Avengers a quick goodbye, disappearing down that hallway. 

______________________________________________________________________________ 

 

It was late Saturday night now, and while he had been having fun with messing with a few people, Peter knew that these things weren't enough for people to properly figure out that he was Spider-man. He needed them to find something as damning evidence. Lucky for him, he didn’t even have to think about it that much, luck did all the work for him. One problem that Peter had found with his Spidey-sense is that when he was hyper-focused on a task, it didn’t alert him to things it normally did, and only the super dangerous stuff. This is how Aunt May and Ned had found his identity and was about to be the reason the team would as well. 

Since the spider bite, Peter found that sitting on the ceiling was something he almost craved. He loved how it felt to crawl up the wall and just hang out upside down, sometimes reading books or doing his homework, like a kid that would run everywhere just because they could. At school he found himself getting fidgety as obviously he couldn’t just crawl up the walls in the middle of class and sitting on a chair was just so uncomfortable. So, whenever he had some time alone, he would sit on his bedroom ceiling and just... chill out there. Here’s where the Spidey-sense problem comes in. 

That Saturday night, Peter was reading intently on the ceiling of his bedroom at the Tower. He heard a knock at the door and without even thinking, called out a “Come in!”. The swoosh of the door was what snapped him out of his focus, but by that point it was already too late. He fell off the ceiling with an undignified yelp and crumpled to the floor. He quickly scrambled to get his footing and stood facing the door like a guilty toddler. With Steve, Nat, Bucky, Sam, AND Mr. Stark all there facing him. Brilliant. Mr. Stark just face palmed, while the rest had different levels of shock on their faces, Nat being the least (naturally) while Sam and Steve had their jaws practically on the floor. “Um, so guys what did you want?” 

A “What the fuck?” was the first thing Peter heard from them, surprisingly from Steve (Tony muttering a quiet “language” shortly after, only to be met with a scowl). 

Peter awkwardly shrugged, “Surprise...? I’m Spider-man!” his grin only became more awkward as the silence continued. 

Mr. Stark thankfully decided to step in “Well Peter that could’ve gone about fifty times better” he turned to the others who were in the doorway, gesturing back and forth between Peter and them, much like when he had first introduced them, “Well then guys, meet Spider-man! In all his scrawny, teenage glory!” 

“Hey! I am not scrawny!” Peter was about to say more when he was interrupted by Bucky’s barking laughter. 

“You’re telling me that the guy who laid out me and Sam at the airport was some kid?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoop! second chapter! please continue to leave ideas and feedback in the comments, I love hearing what people have to say about my work :)


	3. Avengers training is actually pretty fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter trains with the Avengers... it goes how you'd expect

Now that the team knew of Peter’s alter-ego, things got both more intense and more relaxed for him whenever he made his weekly visits to the compound. After what Peter is now dubbing “the ceiling fiasco”, there was a meeting in the common area with everyone else which mainly consisted of a lot of shouting from Steve, laughing from Bucky and Clint, and grumbling from Sam. It was decided that, as well as his regular work that he does in the labs, he would also be training with the team, something that Steve decided would happen so he wouldn’t be as scared for Peter’s life in the future (“seriously he’s just a kid!”). Luckily, Peter no longer had to adjust his life to hide Spider-man from anyone. 

Peter excitedly walked into the huge, over-priced gym area of the compound. Today was his first-time training with the rest of the team and his nerves were filling him with adrenaline, the kind that he usually got while web-slinging across the Queens skyline, or when he and Ned finished a huge 1000-piece Lego set. He had a feeling he would have fun. 

He was greeted by several of the team members, sans Tony, Bruce, and Bucky, stretching in the center of the mat covered floor. Peter gave a quick wave hello back and joined them in stretching awkwardly. He’d never stretched before doing this kind of exercise before, had he been doing it wrong this whole time? He didn’t even know if he was stretching correctly, so he tried his best to mimic the movements of Sam and Steve.... yeah that wasn’t working, he was way more flexible than them, it was barely a challenge, how ‘bout Natasha? He tried copying her method of stretching too to no avail. ‘Great’, he thought ‘my first-time training with the actual avengers and I already don’t know what I'm doing’. 

Thankfully noticing his struggle, Natasha walked over to him, “Peter, you’re more flexible than us, right? You should try putting your legs like this,” she out one leg in front of the other, as though to go into a split “Then do this with your arms” her arms came out from her sides, in a tree like position. 

“Ha, it’s like a more advanced T-Pose" Peter muttered under his breath, 

Natasha gave a small hint of a smile and Peter went red, sure that she wouldn't understand. “Sure,” she chuckled “Now like this,” her body twisted down to the floor, keeping her feet in place, with Peter mimicking the movement exactly. 

“Damn, Peter!” Sam exclaimed from his place on the floor, “I can’t believe this scrawny kid could do that stuff this whole time, Natasha you’d better watch out haha,” he laughed, when Nat gave him a small glare, he quickly silenced himself though, making Peter laugh instead. 

“I haven’t even done anything yet.”. After they had all finished stretching, the real fun began. 

None of them were wearing their actual costumes as they felt it was a bit overboard for a training session, so they were all simple wearing gym clothes. The Avengers took up what seemed like pre-positioned places around the mats, leaving Peter without anywhere to go, and feeling slightly lost before Natasha waved him over next to her side, “So маленький паук, are you ready to learn?”. 

Her eyes glinted dangerously, making the teen let out a nervous laugh, “Learn what, exactly?” 

“How to fight. I’ve seen a few videos on YouTube of you capturing criminals, and even though the quality is bad it’s still obvious that you have no real technique,” her harsh words hurt Peter’s pride slightly but he had to agree. When he began fighting crime he had been extremely sloppy, with no real experience of ever being in a fight at all. His only techer had been himself and experience, stuff like ‘holding your fist like this will break your thumb’ or ‘kicking people in certain placed hard enough will shatter you toes’, all things he’d had to learn through trial and error. Painful trial and error. 

After only a half an hour of the spy’s expert tutoring, Peter had learnt how to throw a proper punch, kick, and even how to disarm someone, soaking up all the new information like a sponge. It was going great! He hadn’t even made a fool out of himself or drew unwanted attention. Then his spidey sense when haywire at the back of his head, signalling a projectile. 

“Peter look ou-” before Steve’s voice even reached his ears, Peter’d hand shot behind his head at inhuman speed, effortlessly catching the weight that had been hurtling towards his skull at top speed a few moments prior. Without much thought, Peter turned around to look for the owner of the weight, who was stood completely still, seeming to have stopped mid-run in awe. 

“U-um... Did you drop this?” the teen stuttered, holding out the weight for Captain Freaking America to take. When Steve remained still, Peter realized that the whole gym, which had previously been filled with noises of multiple people talking and working out, had gone silent. “Is something the matter?”, Peter then took notice of what he was holding... it was an 800kg compressed density weight, which Tony had made especially for Captain America’s enhanced strength to train with, and he, a scrawny looking teenager, had just caught it blind like it was nothing. “Ah...” was all Peter could say in response to this realization. 

________________________________________ 

It had been around two hours since the team had begun training, and Tony was getting bored waiting for them to finish. It normally didn’t last this long. Finally giving in to his curiosity, Tony made his way down to the training area’s gym to round everyone up for lunch. He would never forget the scene he saw when he opened the door. 

He saw, at the far end of the gym, Peter standing with his back to all of the Avengers, who seemed to be stood in a line at the other end... taking turns hurling WEIGHTS AT HIS HEAD. Tony nearly spit out the coffee he had just taken a sip of. He continued to watch, dumbfounded, it seemed they hadn't noticed him enter yet. Peter was having way too much fun for what was going on, doing back flips, and other elaborate tricks to catch the weights that, Tony had to remind himself, HE COULDN'T EVEN SEE! After a few more moments of watching Peter’s head nearly get pummeled and nearly having a heart attack, he spoke “Am I hallucinating or are you guys trying to kill Peter?”, making everyone in the gym freeze. 

Peter spoke up first, a nervous look in his eyes “Mr Stark it’s totally okay! We were just testing my spidey-sense!” a quiet ‘still a dumb name’ from Clint could be heard but was ignored by everyone, waiting for Tony’s reaction. 

Tony, in response, just sighed “Just... don’t get killed,” he walked out of the gym, muttering on his way “I need more coffee to deal with this super-powered child...” 

After he’d left, the remaining people all turned to look at each other. Sam then spoke “So... can we keep throwing stuff at Peter’s head or what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been ages since my last update so I hope this lived up to any expectations people might have had.... also sorry it took so long. I had planned on updating over christmas seeing as i had free time but i basically just forgot so please forgive me!

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, hope you enjoyed! Chapter 1 is just a small introduction chapter so that Peter is familiar with everyone, also i just like writing him as an awkward nerd lol. I have a lot of ideas stored but please comment some ideas for Peter headcanons you want to see written and I'll see what i can do ;~)


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